currveygal

I am pulling out my hair today. This week has been hell!!!!! Started with my man getting pulled over onhis way home- our anniversary Fri. because the dimrod didnt pay tickets etc. his license was suspended and was taken to JAIL.  Lemme tell you the info age is something else cause all I had to do was type in my county and Jail into google and found a site for inmate information. typed in his name and VIOLA! theres my jailbirds information including that he is to go before a judge at 9am the next morning. so needless to say I didnt waste my $ bonding him out. instead of a romantic anniversary dinner he had bologna and oatmeal cookies. Me on the other hand went nuts and straight to drive thru window of Krystals for the CHEESONATOR COMBO!!!!! I inhaled the food in the car without tasting.

at court the next morning Im told that they have 90 felons that were arrested and were doing them before the misdemoner traffic violations and such so I sat and sat and sat and trotted my fat ass to the vending mach for everything from sugar babies to cheetos. Yes I sat there licking the cheese off my fingers in front of everyone. I finally got to go in and watched the drama of court. If I wasnt there for him I wouldve had a blast watching. especially the prostitutes they got a easy judge and you shouldve seen them praising the deal they got!

course when Greg finally gets to the judge hes tired from the felons and such and just wants to get home so he got time served and $283 fine. I gained 6 lbs!

hes having to ride the bus in the morning but I went last nite to pick him up and had a flat tire on the way home. riding on the donut now til payday.

its been one thing after another after another!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Am I too caught up in external priorities- achievements and acquisitions that have nothing to do with my spiritual wellbeing? A good antidote is to take time each day to free my mind of such concerns, let my thoughts wander, perhaps into thankfulness for my new life, into awareness of myself as a being created by God, in exploration of ways I can be useful to another person.

My intermost being is a retreat where I can reach out to my Higher Power, renew my spirit and nourish my life.

(From FOR TODAY a daily OA devotional)

“The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie- deliberate, contrived, and dishonest- but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.” - John F. Kennedy

My food addiction was acquired so I could survive and cope in earlier, painful circumstances. Thus began two myths: First, that pain was to be avioded at all costs, and second, that eating would relieve the pain free of charge. These myths were useful then, but they are insanity today.

  As I become willing to accept the truth that is revealed to me , the myths I clumg to so desperatley lose credibility. I no longer need to be anesthetized; I can stand still and feel my feelings. I dont think something is wrong if Im not happy every minute.

For today: The more I accept the reality of what is, the more comfortable and serene my life becomes.

exerpt is from For Today my daily devotional from OA

I gained 36 lbs since November compulsively overeating. Damn! Damn! Damn! so I stopped coming on the site.  going to make it my main screen so it looks at me and I wont neglect it.

OMG!! I had never heard of them before tonite couldve lived my whole life not knowing that they fried oreos and yet here I am after reading the menu waiting for the perfect opportunity to tell the waitress to bring me a basket of them for dessert. WELL DAMNIT I have a inquiering mind! And the little skinny bitch with the tiny shorts and the shirt that doesnt quite reach her belly button tells me how devine they are and goes and gets me some. HERES A THOUGHT can I make posters like wanted posters and distrubute them to local restuarants and it have orders to not allow me to order foolish deep fried heart attack foods?

and for the record they take Oreo cookies and dip them in batter- deep fry- roll in powdered sugar-drizzle in chocolate. Almost embarrassed myself by having a orgaism with my first bite. Now I gotta do a gazillian situps or a marathon to make up for the calories.

life goes on I guess folks. moral of my story - Make sure the gun you are pointing at yourself to order the crap is loaded so you have a solid excuse!

ok ok I  know that this is probably TMI but I just gotta ask if anyone else is having this problem. I had made drastic changes in my diet. I used to live on fast food!!! And as a obsessive complusive overeater trust me it was a trememdous amount of fast food to boot.  I have lost the majority of the weight I have so far (over 100lbs) by exercising and trying to control the amount of food I eat. but you come to a stage where you gotta do more so I have been eating more food again. Just this time more fresh fruits and veggies all I want to eat as long as its not cooked in butter or oils. and lemme tell you its great I am down 11 lbs since Saturday.

 now for the unmeantionable part

HORRIBLE GAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am going to run myself away from the house and kill the pets with the fumes! and I tried gasx and no help.

PLEASE when you are done laughing give me some advice

OMG! I am gonna find the guy and choke him for making me feel like I am some old fart at 40!!!  35/40 is not exactly a May? December relationship! I got the message on my dating account online.  Course me being the sick twisted person I am sometimes had to reply and say “Oh yes of course younger men are yummy! too bad you are not in your early twenties I could do a thing or two with you”.

exactly what I needed today to get me fired up and to the park to walk the trail. Seems aggravation works better than motivation. Guess I am going to adopt the Dirty Harry mantra for excercising “Go ahead, make my day”

keep on keeping on girls and guys dont forget the goal!!

Damn! I am sometimes wondering how old are some of the people on this site. Sometimes I wonder why they are here. 

I have read so many blog titles - If you are easily offended dont read this! and that kindof irritates me that people here have to censor themselves. I thought this site was about letting go of your feelings that cause you to be overweight. What you have to say may not be popular and it doesnt matter one iota if it offends someone cause its ABOUT YOU! not the reader. Do what you need to heal yourself and quit worrying about who is offended.

and then theres the “THIS IS MY LAST POST I AM LEAVING BECAUSE SO AND SO HURTS MY FEELINGS” damn! get over it! Not everyone is your friend buddy and cheerleader. Take half the crap people say with a grain of salt. Remember why you are here to journal and let go. Unless its all about attention and wanting people to beg you to stay.

anyway I know I have isolated myself and offended and will get hate mail. and I wont cry and beg- you have the choice to ignore my blogs -comment positive or negative all you want. Still gonna be here and still gonna work on getting ME where I need to be to be healthy.

I didnt want to admit that I had gained back 15lbs!!!

I quit smoking Aug 16th and I used it as an excuse to have a free for all with food!

I am sooooo sorry I let my buddies down by not logging on and checking their blogs and giving them encouragement. and mainly I am soooo sorry I let my own self down.

but!!!

not a quitter (unless you count the smoking lol) and am back in the fight!!

I overate for my trip and I expected a 5lb gain who can go on vacation on a diet. And I gave myself permission to do so that way I wont get discouraged and say F it and then go on a spree that lasts months.

I have a terrible problem with swelling though when I go o n driving trips becasue my legs are so cramped up. My feet are footballs and I am in agony. Every muscle I own hurts.. I took a water pill, elevate my feet, watch the salt, and drink plenty of water. I am soooo miserable. happens every time though and takes a week to get back to normal.

anyone else have this problem?